JustMe_Hana

its tooo late

2005-10-26T14:12:00.001+08:00

Heyy,

You're an Expert Kisser

You're a kissing pro, but

it's all about quality and not quantity
You've perfected your kissing technique

and can knock anyone's socks off
And you're adaptable, giving

each partner what they crave
When it comes down to it,

your kisses are truly unforgettable

What Kind of Kisser Are You?

Haaaaa.Mwaamwaaa!

Poor MyAshley.Her mother had to nag and gnaw and be a pain in e arse when she came back home 2 hours late.Ohno.The worst thing is that she mentioned about not allowing MyAshley sleeping over my apartment anymore.damn.Oh i totally understand.She's really not in a gd patch, infact, horrendous.so there's really nothing to be surprised about the awful things from her mouth.hah! Nonetheless, may things go smooth for them today and ohplease,oldman, stop being cruel and rest the case!

HAAA.okay, i shall not interfere in people's personal shit, but heck, MyAshley's tormented!

Btw, Myashley is Fatin.=) And I'm Mary-kate.heeeee.**prasaaaan. We've officially named ourselves ASHKATE. a lil of originality at least.haaaaaa.grrrrllthanng ya knowwww.

MyAshley sleptover at my place and we had a time of madness.Actually, i was the mad one. and still am.It was eversince dearest someone whom i now declare myecstacy called our cell.(I hope he don't read this.ah, he's aint interested anyway).Why ecstacy? he makes me roll in bed and on the floorr, crawl and get fcuken high and have my heart stabbed slowly,sing my heart out and dance and never know what i do,shout and shake my booty like a madmonkey,and talk like an idiot, gives me sleepless nights and i can like stare at the wall for years.and damn, i made a fool out of myself infront of myecstacy yesterday.Anyhow,thanks for driving me crazy and the chocolates and the heartmeltingsmiles and saving my life and oh yes, I loveeeeee the KinderBuenoooo! oh you're so addictive.

**pardon me for my raging hormones =)

OMG. what's all that supposed to mean?!

I am afraid of reality.so don't tell me.

Why does it have to happen between MyAshley,Myecstacy and Myself? oh so painful. I wanna tell it all to you but.................

Oh God knows.

okay, this is so painful and tormenting.I don't know where to start or end. what about my other two candies?? and now im hooked to another?!

I'm sucking the life outta myself.

Oh Tito dropped by to pass some papers. (thank you darling).Alhamdullilah, I'm promoted to sec 4 and take O'levels next year.I'm no more the top student,sadly and badly.have not seen the reportslip yet though but arghh, being the top10 pun jadddiii laaaaaaaaaaaa.I so have to buck up and start fucking the books hardcore all e way throughout schoolhell.

and whats new, homewrok and extra plus extraaaaa classes during HOLIDAY.

Bmybonbon,sorry about yesterday, being rude and ruthless and shouting like a maddog.thanks so much for the patience and faith.=)

MyLollipop,i hope you get well soon and pleaasee do!

Myecstacy,...........

ahh, i love Myashley.

I just don't know where to start or end.

crushed.Marykate=P

too much

2005-10-20T22:00:00.000+08:00

Hello!

I'm now using Nariman's laptop, which could also mean mine. hah! It's been long since I've updated.Didn't have the opportunity to use the computer.Am now at my new house, new room and hopefully a new better chapter of life ahead!

I'm desperately waiting for my room to be completely revamped with gorgeous lightings and accessories for companion when I have my beautysleep,lollygaggs,bumming around and laze arses,kickingbutts hellagooood time with my home girls and boys,punching my keyboard and elctronic games and fcuking whatever junks i have here in my room!-hah!

Oh btw, Nariman is staying with us here in our apartment.interesting?? okay, i guess only those who know whats going on will get what i mean.She's gonna be e one saving my arse when it comes to mama,extending curfews,relish with plenty time blissfully in my latenight hangouts and everything else.no matter what had happened and so much that we've been encountering,what's most significant is that she has an angel's heart.I thank god for her presence and may we be blessed, insyaallah.Nariman, my girlfriend and mother.=)

I'm finally awake and have come to my senses.God has been showing more of your true colours each day to wake me up and start making the right and better choice to treat myself right. I've been blinded from the start and i must now open my bigprettyeyes and heart to explore this beautiful world with plenty beautiful souls that has long been concealed.No matter how hot and talented you are in every way, no matter how long and plenty devotion and love (or so i believe) I've given all these while and how great you are at making my heart skip a beat and that i see you perfect no matter what you do, i guess everything has its limits and tolerance and it seems like you've done ample and too much to cause these outcome to my soul.I've wasted my years but i thank you for you've made me a stronger soul and realise my weakness and strength.

I'm over you.

Had been such a foolishlyidiot and extremely ruthless to myself.To myself, i wanna offer my greatest apologies and i gotta stop myself and others from tormenting you cause I love you and i know ure worth it.

I must admit life has never been easy for me in terms of financial,family,health,school and actually everything else.I know this is God's willandwants and tests and so insyaallah i hope I'll be able to overcome these obstacles and be a better person to me and everyone else.

Even though its fasting month, my lipids and cellulites are never demolished.they're such freaks and insist on being stucked to my flesh and skin.how stubborn!

I totally love my homegrrls and my homeboys.=)

ah shit, im still being striked by a dilemma, H?S?H? fcuk.

there's so much that i wanna share and if i go on, there'll never be an ending i swear! till then,

drained,
Hana

'getoveryou

2005-10-08T05:56:00.000+08:00

its 0507am.

Had sahur. grim thing is that I'm like a moronic bird. I eat and then I'll instantly end up being in the loo groaning. It goes e same after i break fast too. It's wholly bothersome especially when I'm out of home! -urh.

Exams are over! or probably not exactly for me. I shld have just dragged my sickass to school and get over with the malay paper2 that day. And the quandary is that, people are skipping school and taking a break on Monday(some even wanna take a break for a week cause there's a markingpaperday for 2/3days , so there they go joyfully extending their vacation!-haha) while i'm here perturbed about whether the retake of paper is on that day.Extremely annoying and frustrating.I wouldn't wanna end up a.l.o.n.e in school while others are simply delighting on their bed!

People. if you know when is the day to retake e paper students missed, please be kind and inform me! thanks.

Oh btw, Chemistry paper, my classmates nearly died.-hãha! It was nerve-racking and I went restless upon looking at my classmates already sleeping and drooling with heads on table when i was like halfway done! No words can describe how worried i was and i thought i was freaking brainless and retarded.and heck! i immediately asked em if they really thought it was a piece of cake. and almost all replied" I nearly died doing the paper! rather give up and sleep than having to commit suicide!" -laffs!

Saturday it is. If only my bumm could be in elation.Guess not, instead, carry huge boxes, shift here and there, sweat like a pig and don't rest. on a saturday? dreadful? whatmore, fasting.-blueeehhhhh.bore war.

Oh yes, i wanna go Ikea to get some cool stuffs(not forgetting cheap!-heee) for my room. anyone up for it? to revamp ur room? or hari raya? hahaa.

Sometimes I thought im over you like totally and i felt daym good that i dont need you and that i definitely do deserve plenty more better.But when our eyes met, I end up in the same captivation that is the cause of my lifeless life. Fcuk.

But My future is just not you but the past and i gotta open my bigprettyeyes and heart cause I'll never know if it's felicity that i've alwys longed for. i was called inane and foolish and noone actually knew what happened and never will understand.I kept turning back when i was on my way out, andI've got to shut that down and treat myself right.I wanna break the spell you've created.Its now the beginning of my new chapter.

And i'm running.........

Love.
Honeey

sleepingbeauty

2005-10-06T18:38:00.000+08:00

Finally,My tummy's stocked and filled.Tuna baguette and a couple of ondeh2. heeee.

What a power nap! 12 to 5.30 pm :) it's like a day's sleep. and that means I gotta mug and suffer through an agony of calculations, formulas and equations and scientific shit tonight.Chemistry.Simply crucifying!-huge sigh.

I can't wait for the hellride to end.the last paper's tmrw.weeeee.ehm not exactly, i missed my Mt paper2 though. oh well, there's nothing to really worry about that subject. Heard it's a piece of cake. Makes a piece of mind upon hearing that. hah.

Anyway, geography paper, laborious and wicked. enuff said!

This is the last week here at pasir ris. I'll be having a hectic time on Saturday shifting to 845. Hopefully I'll be able to revamp my new room.Finally, a bigger space to update my closets and precious possessions and put them in place perfectly rather than be squeezed in a my tiny box i used to have.I can't wait to see my painted room.Hopefully the purple turns me on!

I wanna go for a facial spa! pimples and whiteheads and blackheads are starting to emerge nad propagate on my tzone. yes, suckbigtime.Hormononal methamorphosis kills.whatmore,seduced by stress and trauma.they'll joyfully breed! If only i got bug bux here in my wallet.dayymmm.

arrgghh. im crssing my fingers, desperately not wanting to take art paper i missed. 3 hours on my ass is absolute tormenting! wont u just take a good look at my gorgeous prep work and final product and kindly give comments and donate apt marks for me?! just like u said about missing e paper.HUrh,My art teacher must be in a bad patch.she looks miserable.but heck, dont vent it on pooorr meeeee......*sobs*

Whats so fun about turning door knobs and banging it and closing it and opening it and turning it and repeating it and make annoying sound pollution?! hah, now Akmal's being scolded by my step ma for that. here he goes, running to me,now on my lap, hugging me tight, kaypoooing flipping through the thesaurus like he's professionally literate with that sympathtic look.lucky him, Kakak Anna is here to ur rescue!!

-apologies for the blurr and if the pics are unclear. been a terrible bum. hee.

Igothatboomboom,

Hunns

Blessme

2005-10-05T20:46:00.000+08:00

My brother, Akmal and I. :))

Look alike??Not?? absolute engaging right?

I missed school today.Yes, sickbeyaatch.

I've got to retake the MT paper 2 next week and i'm now attached to my geography text. The paper's tmrw. Oh blessssss meeee.

I thought i've gt plenty to share. guess too much till run out of words and empty in mind now.blearghhh.

But one thing for sure, I miss painting the town red with all my friends and having kick ass time and laughing my brains out and .....

I miss EVERYTHING.

boooohooo

2005-10-01T00:21:00.000+08:00

Finally, 5 hours sleep. :)

I'm now at Pasir Ris. It's been long since I've last saw my brother(same dad diff ma. still my own bro and not step bro right??).He's Akmal Danial and he's 2 years old. He's so fcuken cute and gorg la especially in red! He looks crossbred.Those big eyes and and fairsilky skin that resembles me! haha.I'll post his picture tomorrow and you'll know what i mean.We love kicking arse and laughing our brains out and jump and fall.never knew how it felt to be with siblings. and Surprisingly, I have a baby sister! -haha. I never knew about it till i came here.It's a she and she's Farah Nabila.still newborn.So anxious to know how she look's like when she's a lil older.Oh i love babies and toddlers. but All that she does now is sucking tits and cry and sleep.Akmal still rocks my goddamn socks!heh.And having sibling or papa having 3 kids ever crossed my mind.Hana has siblings! Oh well, it's still really not the same like having your own pureblood siblings ans taying with them.Hopefull its the "sofaryetsocloseatheart"kind of bond.Now I'm not the only BabyGhurl to Pa anymore!

English paper and Malay paper 1 were pretty fine but Social Studies? The paper nearly killed me!I instantly wanted to cry when we had to drop our pens.The essays are incomplete, my source-based questions are all rubbish and handwriting was a complete mess.I was so stressed up that every single strand of hair will fall off soon. whats so terrifying is that. this is only social studies and not bloodyMaths and Chemistry.Numbers and calculations and wquations are complete horror!

Tomorrow I'll be punching calculators and pulling hair at Fatin's place.I hope it's worth travelling to Woodlands from pasir ris.Self studying is extremely hard especially maths.I miss half the topics for maths and plenty for other subjects.that explains why I'm dying n struggling to learn em all bymyself!

Till then,
Hana

wounded

2005-09-28T23:11:00.000+08:00

I went to school with a pumpkin face.My eyes were swollen due to night weeping and I wasn't blessed to enjoy that moment of serenity i long for.Yep, something malicious and unkind happened but well, i won't comprehend it here.But Amazingly, I muddled through schoolhell without even feeling like murdering myself! nonetheless,whats new, I took a couple of hours of afternoon nap.The cookies and cream ice cream with bread made my day.:)

The Amazing Race made my eyes glued to the tv screen.This show is now one of my addiction besides One Tree Hill The Oc, VillaWellness,America's Top models,Fear factor and other reality shows.I love the thrill and especially having the chance to laugh my head off about their flaws and fcken humourous behavior.hah!

Tmrrow is my English paper and I'm not even preparing for it.I can only concentrate and study at night & in the wee early morning.People are probably delighting in their wettest dreams while I, burning the midnight oil.oh well!

From tomorrow onwards, I'll be staying at Pasir Ris till end of next week which is also end of my exams. I came to this decision to what had happened last night. I've got to stop tolerating and undergo spiteful occurance that i don't deserve. I've got to treat myself right and I've got to resolute to something best for me especially at this point time when I need to focus on my studies and not get distracted by disturbed emotions. For god's sake, its FYE. It's not easy to leave but it'll be temporary. The wound will heal.Ma, you know I'll never leave you no matter what you do or say that's malicious and cutting and especially deceptive.You'remy mother afterall.plenty love.

By the strike of twelve am, I'll be fcking the books and my favourite mini thesaurus and Macmillian Dictionary.WOW?

5more minutes to hellgate.

Till then.
Hana.

Showmetruth

2005-09-27T06:20:00.000+08:00

Its 0620 am.

I realise that I can't sleep at nights. Insomnia? horrendous!

This is tormenting. I'm a daylight sleeper.And I'm a school kid. I gotta do something about myself.My everday milk-before-sleep don't work anymore for me.I've got this ánd that.I know I'm not unhealthy.I swear i drink fruit juice everyday!

Too vulnerable.

Now I'm having my mushroom potatage soup and ice milk tea before school.yummy?

I hope I'll stay awake till midnight and then delight in the only moment when my heart stops beating like a drum and rest my mind in serenity.Oh i'm desperate for that.

The FYE are in 2 days.and its suckng the life outta me cause I'm not prepared.Schoolhell.fcuk.

Next week is going to be hectic and im going to be immersed with exhaustion, moving out to the new house all by myself with the help of Mama and fcuking the books at e same time and muddling through with my sick-ass being plus all the other fcken predicaments I have to cope with. petrifying?

I wentthrough it all again. I'm always deceived and end up in the same pitfall.I really need a new resolution for myself.New house.New resolutions.A new chapter of life.

I''m addicted to the song MAKING LOVE OUT OF NOTHING AT ALL by Air Supply. Sont you think classical rock rocks???????

Till then, its 0636, Im running late for the hellgate! ~school. Oh yes, pardon me for my vulgars.:))

Hana

plshush

2005-09-22T14:27:00.000+08:00

I'm unwelll.

The weather today is so cool and sexy :) haha. I just feel like sleeping the whole day and not wake up or cuddling onto someone warm.......awww.

The Black Eyed Peas concert was fantastic!definitely better than last year amd its the best I've ever been.Fergie is oh damn hot with her vocals and sexaaayymoves.and the rest of the BEP were people of love and warmth and a bundle of joy! whats best is that, they perform with live band.fabulous?????

Cadbury,if there's a NO DOUBT concert,we'll book the front row tickets and shake thebooty and rock the place and go hellagooooodcraziest time yea? send me the pics pleaseeeeee.

I'm now having the HOT chat with elly. haha.-winks.i love you darlin.

School's been a pain in the asss.very pressurizing.thanks to the sweethearts in school for the wacky times.:)

I'm feeling terrible. plus everythingpainful. Doctors never help.

Shall i or shall i not......................

Honey

Damn

2005-09-19T23:55:00.000+08:00

my red eyes are getting well.weeeeeeee. hopefully it'll be perfectly fine by tomorrow. its BEP concert! Cadbury, time to shake our booty til we drop before we fcuk the books for exams :)

Everythng seems to be extremely queer for me.Absolutely!

Oh I'm just captivating and letting myself fall into that same dark pitch. I'm in trouble if i stay vulnerable.

If only it's pure sincerity.

it's terrible if "it" is the same old song.worst, "it" is temporary and worst of the worst, be "used".

OMG.

I gotta control myself.

Hunnnsssss.

TheTestIsHere

2005-09-18T23:58:00.000+08:00

OMG.

The test for me is here again.(iknow.ainknow)

Good always come with bad.

I desperately hope that I wont trip and fall again.

May Allah bless me and that things go right and fine for everything.

May it be a blessing in disguise.

Is it the moment i used to wish for or is it just another obstacle for me to encounter?

Oh i'm feeeeeeling terribbleeee.

I must fight my vulnerability right Cadbury.

It all depends on me.

Hana.

Unexplainable

2005-09-18T01:16:00.000+08:00

Suntec Dance 2005 was a blast. I am so going to join in the next years.haha.with lost ofpractice and improvement that is.

Congrats to Kimmie and Zaihar and their group!iT was all superb guys! and of course Elly, it was ohsogorgeous la Aci!And Syarif did well melting the girls'hearts with his performance just now.Infact,They were all great.

Met Mizie first and then Feeza and then other Bibiks of love.PLus other wacky lovely people.I sure did have fun.Describing the day is so unexplainable.I do look forward to more of these ohsobootyshakingwackydayofloveandwarmth with them and my new friends.=)

BUT. There's something wrong with my eyes. they were red and I gotta go doctor to check my right eye.there's like a lil tiny growth on my pupil.gosh.its really freaking me out.Oh please.I hope they are fine.Exams and tests are so near and plus, Jessica Alba wont look prettyful with red eyes!=P

I've no plans tomorrow.People oflove, grab me! hah.Oh.damn.Homework.shats.

Okay, my eyes are fucken annoying!!

Oh what a day.they call it "MELETOPZ!"

haha.

PrincessRedEyed
Honey.:)

Bad Hunger

2005-09-15T18:03:00.000+08:00

I'm having a huge appetite these days.This is absolutely not a gd sign.arggghhhh.

School-wise.It will just make me sigh. It's been really pressurizing.Loads of homewrk/assignments/tests and FinalYearExam is like in 2 weeks.Its sucking the life outta me.So tormenting.

I hope I'll make it to this Sat's dance comp finals.A meeting point for all the people whom i wanna reunite with and rejoice the bond we used to share. yep. I hope things will turn perfectly fine after much ugly things that has happened before.I'm looking forward so desperately to sharejoyous, wacky and lovely moments. I wanna L.I.V.E life.

Its terrible when i stare at the walls, computer screen/mirror/ i just see unsolved problems and the messed up life im encountering.Oh god.Blessme.

Black eyed peas concert is like next week and I'm gonna be there.Anxiousbut i feel like its just nt the perfect time for i dont know why.arghh.

Something just dont feel right. Have you ever had this feeling? you're like restless and blank and worried and your heart beats fatser each time but you just dont know why?

oh save me.

I wanna shake shake shake shake that booooootyyyyyyyy.

Honeey'.

Lost

2005-09-13T11:23:00.000+08:00

Greetings.

Yes,finally I'm back updating this diarybloggy of mine.I miss letting out my rants here.My computer went bonkers and all documents,files and pictures vanished.siaaannnn.

Whats new, 1 week of holiday is never enough.hah. i dont know what i actually did and I dont feel contented at all.oh the week was atrocious especially when it comes to completing the homework and all i felt like doing is eating. now, im back to square one and im oh so fucken fatflabby and its damn annoying.I spent one point of time during the hols in KL. has its sucky and great moments. I spent most of the time frowning and being moody.only i know why.-sighs

Before hols, had an event. I hope my performance went gorg.Friends, send me the pictures!

Now im back desperate to pursue my passion.dance.I feel like I'm ready to push myself and work out and sweat it out and shake that thang.I wanna be a better dancer and performer.So Aci Elly.You know what to do-winks

the sound of The scratching of guitars and drums beating make me feel like i wanna be a rockstar too.hahhaaaa.

Lately have been bumping into the p.a.s.t and stuff. I hope i know what im doing as long as i dont end up captivated and falling.I just wanna make things better cause we can never run away and conceal from incomplete puzzles.

I've got plenty to make out.friends.this and that.There's so much to resolve that i just feel like sleeping and not wake up.

Im just looking forward to joyous and enraptured moments ahead.I just wanna be able to focus more on studies cause exams are so near.All i wanna do now is just study.dance.spend time with friends.gfs.dancemates.bfs.and have fun.Let my heart laugh and smile.I just wanna
live life to the fullest.

I'm making a new resolution.May it be better for me and everyone.

Timeisrunningout.
Hunns

youdonthavetobehated

2005-08-21T13:32:00.000+08:00

Time can never mend.

Oh spare me.Dengue fever is extremely tormenting.I think I'm having one.My body aches terribly and i feel that my bones are fragile and can just fall aprt from the joints anytime.plus the dreadul cough.I have had dengue fever like for 3 times before.And i realise something queer. everytime I'm having an important event or dance audition/performance,I'll get this fucken disease.ehmm......????????

I feeelll gooooddd.Honey.Fantasy~.=P.Its been long since I've danced.Though its a mini event im participating at school, i've finally got to work and shake that thaaannggg.haha.The practices have been great."monster time" for the juniors are definitely fun.haha.The opportunity to share my experience and guide them through dancing and then being so called the "teacher" is wholly an exhausting and such a pressure but heck, we're a bundle of joy! Love and girlfriends bonding after practices makes me feel warm.share our rants.May this bond lasts.

Hopefully I'll get well soon.Missed alot of tests.lessons.auditions are so soon.may we get in.insyaallah.

Oh yes. I need an urgent help! ANYONE HAS THE SOFTWARE TO REMIX SONGS???? EMERGENCY. PRETTY PEOPLE PLEASE REACH ME.

I wanna touch you.

-Honey-

CryMeARiver

2005-08-16T22:59:00.000+08:00

I've always loved the song CryMeARiver by Justin Timberlake.I love this song so fucken alot.

I cant focus.Its common test week.Maths paper was absolute dreadful.There's no thinking twice about having a chance to even pass the paper.How terrible is that?

I'm distracted by I-dont-know-what. Its extremely annoying.I must try and start mugging.For the life outta me.Its chemistry tomorrow and we're gonna be tested on 8 topics.thats so plenty.I'm oh so deaaaddd.I need to stay up.I really dont mind having panda eyes than get miserable after the tests.I'm a paranoid.

The fried rice in the kitchen is tempting me. its like 11pm now.Im not suppose to eat especially at this point of time.Its not only a bad thing, it'll make me sleepy and I'll end up on bed in the next moment, when im suppose to study!arggghhhh.I'll just have a scoop of it.heh.

I've been dreaming of something and someone these days.Its queer.I'm not supposed to and its just so haunting me and sucking the life outta me.

Never look back we said. How was I to know I miss you so..

I'm gonna fcuk the books now.Till then,

Allforyou,
Hana.

NoPerfectSky

2005-08-14T23:44:00.000+08:00

Hello again.

Okayy, I don't sound quite buoyant and jolly. Certainly the sky's not perfect.Or rather, never. I'm not exaggerating. Nonetheless always grateful.

First of all, Happy Birthday SitiNorShakilla a.k.a MissPoohBear/Kura2.(heh, though the actual day was on Friday). I hope that the outing we had was somewhat ample to hearten and gladden you.I hope you like the gifts and that the movie managed to thrill you!haha.People, you should catch the movie THE MAID.Didn't left the cinema with a sigh or feeling dissatisfied.=) Oh yes, Sha, now that you're 15 and there'll be lots to come your way.I'm here to hold your hands through ups and downs(insyaallah). Yes, life is never easy and there's more obstacles that you might never anticipate are yet to come. I'm here to listen okayy and share and help if I can.Hold on there and remember everything that happens has its blessing in disguise.I love you sweetheart.

Undesired events have been occuring.I'm jaded yet there's still that feeling in me to make out and always working things out and never letting go although I'm uncertain of how i feel.That tells everything and why Im still here if you were to think wisely of it.And
I definitely feel sorry for not being all perfect.A part of me can never accept a certain part of anyone that only i know no matter how hard i try to accept.And yes, I must admit I'm afraid.

I have been filling time with two of my boy friends.Time of relieving those sentiments and letting out the rants, listening,learning each other and sharing joyous moments.Don't conceal the beauty in you.It might..... make wonders for me?(haha).

The house is all for me.Ma's away.But that means, i have to do the chores and ensuring the cleanliness of the house and taking care of myself.Freedom comes with responsibility.Looking at the brighter side, making me more independent, responsible and mature.And of course, the days pass by without the routine nags! wee.

Oh I gotta buck up too.And im extremely discontented with my Malay homeworks and marks and tests.I have to do something about it.It has NEVER been this dreadful till this teacher took over.Okay, i'm like blaming the teacher but definitely Something is not right!

Of all these I've been gg through,I'll make it through the rain.I must.Hold on there Hana.

I'm dying to dance.

Oh Wanniiiieeeeeeee! Call me up and lets have blissful kickass moments together and with your friends! I miss you too.

I don't wanna long for someone who never appreciates my affection.I must not anymore.

It's all up to me,
Hunnnsss.

iTSkILLINGmE

2005-08-08T22:07:00.000+08:00

2nd entry of the day.

I refreshed that blog countless times and made the song stuck here to my mind.Imust.

Cause..

I miss you exceedingly terribly.

I was never there.

_ _ _ _She's your pearl.

-Hans.

I'mBack

2005-08-07T12:50:00.000+08:00

Hello everyone.(=

It's been wholly long since I've updated and share my rantings.Yes, been engaged and occupied with alot of activities at school and such.Being an NE Ambassador and as one of the leaders in school really wears me out badly but does supremely good to think of the brighter side of it.It's a magnificent experience i should say and it's a credit if were to join JC or Poly.(insyaallah).:)

I have been staying over Ca's and Sista Zy's place for the past few weeks and I'm back home now.I love em so.Mwaa.

Unanticipated events have been occuring in my life.It really shows that I'm growing and how life these years has mature me.Being 15 made melearn alot and alot of things.Met people and learnt.Its been really hard.terribly hard.I think I'm growing much more than i should as a 15 yr old teen.

How's life? well to refrain from being captivated with emotional sentiments, I occupy time with school.school.and school.at least its a remedy though its temporary.

Where do i Go?

Love.Hunns.

encumber

2005-07-09T15:40:00.000+08:00

I've been reading my past events.gosh. All those sentimental and emo lines really make me feel jaded and ill.This and that,readers of my blog must be so nettled n sick, yet wonder and amazed about my ill-fated life. They are the things that makes me stronger and motivate me as well urging me to grow more mature each time.And I realise I convey most of the events happening in my life here.It makes me feel better somehow.Well, despite those atrocious events thats been falling on me, Im still grateful about who and where I am:)

Ma's been very pressured and a there's a wholly weighty burden for her to work out and resolve.Likewise, I do wish things were so much better. with strong belief in God and patience, insyaallah, everything will go fine one day.I love her so so great for being strong and the sacrifice.She's my motivation.I'm going to ensure her life will be enraptured one day wih God's will.I am going to do everything I can.

School's been a dread and maddening.Talk about final year exam,I'll start cursing school life but somewhat, it benefits,I know I know.Urgh.

Especially the 2nd maths test. I tell you, it's confirmed that I'll fail cause the 2nd question was done wrongly. And the worst thing is that, I finally understood every bit about the topic right after attemtping and figuring out that particular topic which is right after the test!!!! Oh turn back time please.

I miss lollygagging at Ca'place.Miss Sista Zeet..Bonda.Pai.The cats.I miss My other half of family:)

I'm now feeling extremely listless and wearied.Somebody save me!

Homework sucks.

Nuaseate,
Han.

KillMe

2005-07-03T20:48:00.000+08:00

Am I actually doing the right thing?

Am I spared from the uncertainty?

Have I been conveying the truth?

Are things going the right way?

am i reaching my desperate moment of dreams and wishes?

I s there anything that I have to change and do to refrain from ugly things to fall on me and keep repeating?

Oh if noone can save me, murder me!

I'm afraid of time.I'm afraid of reality.I'm afraid of fate.

Huns.

like a bird

2005-07-01T20:24:00.002+08:00

Hello everyone.

I finally have the opportunity to update my dearybloggy.Have been staying over at Ca's place like for almost a month?? Oh i'm not kidding.

Many plenty moments of depression and heartsick,or so i believe.I miss Ma especially at this time when I'm captivated with so many many complications and unhappy moments.She's always been my motivation and my strength.I love her so great.

Despite those, again, Im thnkful to Ca,Sista Zeet and family,my people of love fo everything:)

I've been stuffing myself with food tinking that it'll content and make me feel better.I'm insane.

B,
I truly understand your emotions.But what you're doing isn't making things better.Why conclude to that when things can be way so much better.Plenty of wonderful and gorgeous things that we can share together.Leave that emotion and sentiments to fate and time.Thers so much time ahead of us.We arent rushing sweetheart.That friend of ours is cool and am thinking the same way as I do.Plese, dont hurt anymore and especially yourself.Widen your mind and think n decide maturely.Honesty and trust.Thats all and things will be perfect if it remains the same as it used to be.I'm sorry but how you handled things were wrong and although I knew you weren't all that, i reacted that way.It might hurt you somwhat, but I want you to realise that youre nt treating yourself right and the simplest thing is just honesty and faith.I dont want you to end up like me.like how i had to succumb to in the past and such.My every intentions and harsh words has its beautiful disguise.YOu know I want the best for you.Please.You know what to do.I was disappointed enough and did shed for you.Well I'll hold your hands and grow out of it with you:) Take a look at me and search your heart, I'm sure you now who HANA is/.

Enough of those emo and sentimental lines.,

Life.

And was just told about Shazzae dearie.Please, talk to me.I'm here to listen.Hold on there.

Life's like this.

Takemeaway,
Hunss

WalkAway

2005-06-27T17:28:00.000+08:00

Monday, it is.

It 's been truly BLUE.The day was wholly monotonus and I merely slept in class. It was extremely exhausting especially when we dragged our heavy books here and there but for nothing.No lessons.Our timetable changed and so were some of our teachers and I'm very much unhappy about it for certain reasons and I believe my other clasmates feel the same way too.The early morning was already made dreadful because of the spotchecks n i was vigoured to plead the hair and such. I just find the school rules so extortionate.Nonetheless, the day was never without lame-ass jokes and kick-ass laughters.Thanks to the girlfriends and some comical people around.haha.:)

Sunday.

I was "there".

My tears were His and Her blessings.

The whole thing was about memoirs playing in my mind and how I wished I...................

I'm proud of him that he's blooming so gorgeously since the day I met him and heard him sing.Keep the dreams alive.

But Should I always walk away with this feeling................

Lost,
Huns.

Dementia

2005-06-25T17:18:00.000+08:00

It's been wholly long sine I've updated.Missed it. I'm feeling so antsy and agitated and confusion of my sentiment have made the week so queer.

I've been sleeping over at Sista Zeet's and Cat's place these past few days.Thank God at least these gorgeous people have been by my side tolerating me and Pai with his lame ass jokes made me smile even for a second.I love you people.:))

It's Saturday today.

I so so have to complete all the school assignments and projects by today and I'll be in serenity.I'll soon have panda eyes with ugly eyebags. Oh daym the hopeless people.

I'm so dead and I'm all empty in the pocket.Spending on Idontknowwhat.I'm feeling extremely terrible and am not helping Ma cause the fact is that we're in a dreadul patch financially.I'm so sorry.argghhh.I'm cursing the projects thats been scoffing my money and my darn appetite and troubled emotions,always convincing me and I'll then end up gobbling up n spending on food every moment.grrrrrrr.ImissMa.

I think the holiday is so not helping and favouring at all.I've occupied my time with eating and sleeping and eating and sleeping.I feel like a pig.So fucken fat and so fucken disturbing!plus.loathsome stuffs thats been happening just make me so totally sick and insane.I really did went INSANE and poor those people who became my victims especially Hasbi.I'm sorry.

Oh yes.
ELLY.
Everything's so broken and theres nothing that you can do about it even if you were to feel sorry every second about it.Just leave it.Where you are now, I've been there and done that.So treasure it cause u wont wanna end up like me and swallowing bitter pills and get ur mind haunted and feel like its been murdering your every bit of life. .I'll stay here and you stay happy.

SinceYou'veBeenGone,
Hans.

OverandOver

2005-06-20T16:42:00.000+08:00

teraser jugak budak tu,-laffs!

There's nought for me to convey today but something that I've pine for and I'm penitent cause I'm not suppose to intuit this way..

Feel me?

Argh, I'm going insane and demented.Happy now?!Contented now?!

The puzzle is that I drastically miss someone plenty.

Arghh.Shoot me.Murder me!

Oh so sentimental shit.Inapt for a 15 yr old girl like me.But heck!Feel feel feel me.

This is not about childishness or being juvenile.Oh what I'm going through now is what I've succumb to what you've done.

That 5 years bundle of devotion and imprudently,still am.

I can't afford to do anything but the songs shall signify it all.

Now you’re gone
and I’m lost without you here now
But I know I gotta live and make it somehow..
Now I’m sittin’ here thinkin’ ‘bout you
And the days we used to share
It’s drivin’ me crazy,
I don’t know what to do
I’m just wonderin’ if you still care

And I wanna let you know that it’s killin’ me
I know you got another life,
you gotta concentrate,
baby

Oh i miss you so much
I long for your love
It's scares me
Cuz my heart gets so weak
That i can't even breathe
How can you take things so easily
Baby why aren't you missing me

Thought I heard your voice yesterday
When I turned around to say
That I loved you baby
I realize,
it was juss my mind
Played tricks on me

And it seems colder lately at night
And I try to sleep with the lights on
Every time the phone rings
I pray to God it's you
And I just can't believe
That we're through

I miss you
There's no other way to say it
And I can't deny it
I miss you
It's so easy to see
I miss you and me

I've got to gather myself as together
I've been through worst kinds of weather
If it's over now
Then I'll be strong
Can't believe that you're gone
I've got to carry over

Time goes by, it seems so long
But it was only days ago when things were going wrong
What happened to the love, to the love we knew
The days we shared were so short and so few

And baby i miss you
Baby i miss you
Remember when it didn't rain
Will i ever see the sun again

And baby i miss you
Baby i miss you
And i only wish that i could share your love again

I thought about leaving for some new place
Somewhere where i, i don't have to see your face'cause seeing your face only brings me out in tears
Thinking of the love i've wasted all through the years

You know i've come this far without you;
It won't be too hard to be alone.
I've got choices all around me,
So i won't be spending too much time at home.

No, don't say a word.
I already heard that you don't love me.
In your state of mind,
I don't need to hear your side of the story

I broke my back to make you happy.
Sometime, somehow, someone's got to care.
If you think you're better off without me,
Just remember, it's a dirty world out there.

I'm gonna miss the ground you walk on,
Gonna miss the air you breathe.
I'm just not quite happy, baby,'
bout your crazy plans to leave.

I miss you so fucken much.

Sorry to whom I should be sorry to.

So much for my happy ending.

It all depends on me.

SomehowIJustCan'tPutYouInThePast,
PrincessDaft

AnotherHeartacheOnMyList

2005-06-18T21:02:00.000+08:00

My bloggydiarywhereipouritallandimissitsomuch,

Its been certainly long since I've posted a new entry and used the computer.And I've got so much to share and write.Good and Bad.

Today's Saturday. and Ma's back from Umrah safely.ALhamdullilah.The family is back and it was alleviating.Ma departed with 2 bags but returned with 5 or 6? haha.Whats new~. I listened to Adeq's recounts during her journey while performing umrah.The scrumptious delicasy she mentioned just tempted me and made me dribble.The challenges,tackles,tests and trials really amazed me.I ws told the weather and temperature was absolute burning and this and that.The mosque...and so much more.Allah's all mighty and great. And oh, I realise Má looks more gorgeous now with her elegance and charm.(must be the camel's milk!). haha.Ma bought for me chocolates..hersheys...nuts...pearls..lipsticks..garments and such.some for the girlfriends too =)I realise that the things from there,Arab, are fragant.Sweet-scented and different.I so so wanna go there one day.when I' m ready with god's will.I'm oh so waiting for tonight when I can sleep with Ma on the same bed again and listen to her stories and such.=)

Oh yes, I'm gonna miss the bumming and laze arnd,lollygagging and share our kick ass jokes and laughters and the bedtime with Sista Gwen.Oh yes yes, I'll miss everything tho in such little time.

The past days were occupied with time of food attack,late night snacks,lazying around and sleeping.Ithought i was like an absolute pig.LíkeI've said, my routines and activities are so different from the way it was.I don't go out often and meet my outside friends anymore.so this is the outcome.Totally Pumpkin!

I met Cadbury.Had lunch.It;s been long since we had spent time together.We should do this more often like how we were.=)

Last Thursday some of my boyfriends and my Girlfriends and I visited the Jurong Bird Park.It was not terrible but it was not as good as the zoo trip.Nonetheless, I've always loved spending time with them and I hope they feel the same way too.=)Thank you sweethearts.

Oh yes, someone i know love blog-hopping and she happens to visit somone's blog.She told me It was all topsyturvy and tumultous about me or so called his ex.Like fcuk.I was terribly outraged and repulsed and exasperated.I so so have so much better things to do and Im not all childish and all those bullshit.I have a life and I'm so better than that.and anyway I've not been using the computer.Excuse me people, give me a break cause whats so fucken about the past is so the past.I extremely hate it when people just anyhow judge and point inspite of the absolute false fcken perception they have of me and all they know is assume confidently and oh so wrongly.Im all disgusted.Oh yes to whoever who had the intention of ruining my reputation of whatever is related to that or whatevr is your fcken intention, please, get life and there's so much wonderful things you can do.I do have doubts and am suspicious of someone but i shall not mention and judge anyhow.I did no sins to you so,shut up.but heck, its so obvious and that I dont use the word PEACE at every end of any fcken say i said.haha.that prson just terribly suck. Stop sucking the life out of me.oh please.

I'm so so sorry.I apologise for the vulgarity and such at every say I had.I'm just extremely infuriated.Oh well, at least its so much better than doing something else that's so nasty and mean right?

I'm badly nauseated with those and that.what's the intention?bolding the words? highlighting the oh so beautiful moments ? I admit it pisses and downcast me but you can nver bring me down or so called ruin me.It dont really matter but you just disgust me so terribly and im just letting out tis grudge.=)

I need to do something about myself.I've not completed my homework.I'm extremely fat.I'm doing nothing better.arrghhh.I'm fat.or so i believe.

ehm girlfriends, is that the last outing for the holiday???? ermm.heh.u know what i mean.oh u know what im desperate for.oh yu know, yes u know.

Youdontmatteranymore,
PrincessBlubber.

I'veBeenMissingYou

2005-06-13T13:36:00.000+08:00

Ma finally called.=) I miss her so so fucken much but I didn't know why I couldn't convey it to her when she actually did! She never expressed it verbally before and she just did it.But heck, she knows her daughter.heh.I'm not like that but when it comes to her,alter-ego.she knows I love her alot.arggh.

I'm feeling all sucky and sicky.I think I've been cleaning my bowels countless times.Okayy, thats exaggerating.Well shit, Its oh so exhausting and it's making me all effete.The payoff for eating and eating and eating and stuffing myself with all kinds of food.serves me right.darn.

Oh daym, I think I'm going broke.I fucken hate this cause my damn expenditure is only on FOOD.what about shopping??

I so so need to finish my Holiday homework which is so so waiting for me and I'm so so slothful to do it.Save me.

School will be reopening so damn soon!!! and Ive not been to places I want to go.shout outs to my Sweethearts!!

These days I've been feeling downcasted for so many reasons.I realise I've really been refraining myself from crowds that I know and I'm nt up
for those performances and all that and my usually weekend routine to meet up those people and this and that.Gigs.Partayying.Not anymore.

andI'malldowntoearth.

OhFuckIThinkIMissHim.

Idon'tneedthosesadisticpeopleinmylifeandtheycan'tbringmedownanymore.

IjustWannaLive,
PrincessConfused.

SleeplessSolitude

2005-06-11T14:27:00.000+08:00

Well I wonder could it be
When I was dreaming 'bout you baby
You were dreaming of me
Call me crazy, call me blind
To still be suffering is stupid after all of this time

Did I lose my love to someone better
And does she love you like I do
I do, you know I really really do

Well hey
So much I need to say
Been lonely since the day
The day you went away
So sad but true
For me there's only you
Been crying since the day
The day you went away

I remember date and time
September twenty second
Sunday twenty five after nine
In the doorway with your case
No longer shouting at each other
There were tears on our faces
And we were letting go of something special
Something we'll never have again
I know, I guess I really really know
The day you went away
The day you went away

Why do we never know what we've got 'til it's gone
How could I carry on
The day you went away

Cause I've been missing you so much I have to say
Been crying since the day
The day you went away
The day you went away
The day you went away...

Somethingwe'llneverhaveagain,
PrincessDesolated.

Naughty

2005-06-11T00:22:00.000+08:00

I'm oh so fucken worn out.Emotionally and Physically.

Today,Saturday.

My girlfriends and some of my boyfriends went to catch a movie "Premonition" today.The day started off badly.This and that.It was made worst and it ws strangling me and extremely irksom to wait for theboyfriends.gosh.We were behindhand for the movie.But heck, they went to Friday prayers and I shouldnt be really enraged about it.Anyways, we caught an early movie cause Sha and Ti had to be home very early.It was tumultous.The movie was.......supposedly horrifying but instead, tickling.I guess it was the crowd.I dont know what to comment about it.I guess it ws partly bcoz of the confusion of feelings plus the i dont-know-why disturbed emotions so I couldnt judge and concentrate on the show.Bumped onto Mizie.I was relieved about something.I wish we culd have a heart-to-heart conversation one fine day. Then accompanied Den and Amad to eat...blahnesss.this and that.Bummed around at Esplanade.Chatted.Fooled around.Phototaking. I was a bad girl today. arghhhhhhh.

andfromthebottomofmyheart,I'msorryB.

It was odd.I understand.Oh-talk-to-me.Im sorry.Arghh.I know i was a bad girl.

I felt abit bad to be back home late..Hopefully Ibunda don't have a bad impression or sort of thing.So bla bla bla.Lollygagged with theboyfriends for awhile before going back home.Tickled ourselves with our lame-ass jokes.Zany people.

Arghhh.I was a bad girl.

Tonight Im home alone.

I'm feeling so uneasy and uncomfortable.confusion of emotions.Tell me why.Its killing me.

Imheretocatertoyou,
PrincessFoolish.

Liberated

2005-06-09T14:39:00.000+08:00

Thursday.

So Ma departed On Tuesday. I slept over at Sista's Gwen's house and also for the rest of the week. So on that particular day when the family members left, we had cousins-conclave.9 clowns. We lolly-gagged at Kaki-Lima along Arab Street.Pub-like.Cool.Gorgeous.I had a go and tried drawing in Shisha.(not sure how it's supposed to be spelt).Apple and Strawberry flavour.First attempt. Absurd.Silly-ness.Like I never tried smoking(muaha.guilty.tsk2).Scatter-brained.hah.So played Jengga.Chortled.Clowning.We had Car race.heh.Then went to East coast bar.Blahnesss.Sipped.Virginia Mageretta(i tynk).gorgeous.This and that.

Wednesday.

Bummed around with Sista Gwen.Heh, she skipped work.So we went swimming. Bumped onto my sweethearts, Hasbi and Hasan=P. Had night drink with them.Chatted.

Today.

Woke up early morning.Rushed home.Laundered.scoured.cleanse.wooohhh.The laundry is done.Mop.Swept.Toilet-scrubbing.Damn, I'm all icky.Quenched my thirst to abolish this mess and bacteria.=)

So ya, planning to complete my homework with Ca and maybe Hasbi.

I'm having a terrible desperation to get my arse off the house and have fun with my sweethearts.save me.

You'readownassbitchandIaintmadatya.

Makemeyourselection,
PrincessIrresistable.=P

ImOutOfMyElement

2005-06-06T18:34:00.000+08:00

I'm at my granddad's place.The family is prepared to leave tomorrow to Mekah and so on.Umrah.Alhamdullilah, things are going on smoothly and insyaallah, selamat pergi, selamat pulang.I truly hope that they'll be back home safely and blessed.

I've been lolly-gagging and bumming at my granddad's place with Adeq and the adorable orang kampung-heh.Chinwag.Talk.Crept.Sillyness.This and that.Frankly, it's been total monotony. I'm sleeping over here and I feel anxious for my family members who are leaving tomorrow but heck, not that way.Oh well, I must admit I'm going to miss my Ma and my family and the scrumptious home-cooked food and blaahhnessss.so much more.

So tomorrow I'll be wearing tudong.Gosh.My oh-super-chubby-face will oh-so-look-funny.heh.The cousins are gathering tomorrow.I hope that besides those tears that we'll be sharing to see them off, we're gonna have a kick-ass time sharing joy and laughter.love-binding although there's so many complicated things going.lets just see.

youruinedmyohsobeautifullifebitch.

arrgghh.save me from these melancholy.

arrghhh.save me from bore war.

arggghh.save me from ill-fate.

argghh.save me save me save me.

Okay im just S.I.C.K.

Ineedmyprincecharming,
PrincessMengong.

Obsessed

2005-06-05T21:31:00.000+08:00

First of all, I'ld like to congratulate Ahmad Syarifullah for his triumph to be in the finals.=) No matter how thorny it is to run away and elude, there's always something and somebody to make me remembrance of those bittersweet memories.Well, there's nothing sinful and fallacious to share the joy of his succes right?Although undeniably those times I've been through and succumb to are catasthrophic,but yet, its beautifully momentous.Damn you,Uki! they're Evocative.Fcuk.

You'reJustBlindedandIpityyousoletsjustseetheupshotoneday.

Uki, Good luck.-haha.May you sleep well tonight and oh, bless you=P

Mama's been dreadful and monstrous today.Challenging my patience.She just have this terrible tendency of making me weep every fucken day and sting me with her fucken unreasonable exploit and mood.Oh God, Bless me and keep me strong and patient.

Whymakemehateyouwhenyoucanmakemeloveyoumore,mother?

my gratitude to one of my boyfriends,B.Thank you so much for your endless care and concern about every melancholy and beautiful moment I encounter.=)muahhhh.

Whatstheuseofthosebeautifultalentsandlookswhenyoudontevenhavethatgorgeousheart?

Sweethearts, take me out after Tuesday!

Myworldisfullofdifferentpeople,
PrincessDownCasted.

BundleOfEverything

2005-06-04T23:37:00.000+08:00

Oohh lala.

I'm going to type a longer entry today.

Let me talk about my Friday.

It was Titi's birthday and we celebrated at the Singapore Zoological Garden.=) Caca,Sha,Titi,Hasif,Hasan.Hasbi and Danial.We dressed like..Titi-the jungle-trekker..Sha the hippy-cute one.Caca-the clubber.Hana-the hawaian princess.=P.And it was such a coincidence that there were 4 guys who dressed up in similar colours.-haha.Titi had Hasif as the perfect partner for the day.The shoes,the yellow shirts they wore and they kinda look familar.-hehe.Sha.Was joyful when Dan wore White-creamish top similar to hers.-haha.My opinion, both are extremely cute.(ahem2).Caca, unfortunately to her opinion, she was made for Hasan that day.-muahahaha.The blackies.=P.Me? i shall not elaborate.similar to hasbi(he kpo lah.hah=P) and enuff said ;)

So That morning was quite troubled and sulky for me as of my ma's temperamental&unreasonable shitty mood.But heck, of course my people of love made my day exquisite.Met Pa at the Zoo entrance for the tickets.We were greeted with free breakfast from KFC, a treat from my fabulous Papa.(thnk u so much)He went off and we started our journey in the Zoo.Giggled.Teased at the animals.-haha.Then came the moment we had been waiting for & was so desirous about.We approached her with a red gorgeous box stuffed with our gifts.I sang her the birthday song and gave her hugs and kisses followed by the rest.I read her a few words from the bottom of my heart about the relationship we've been having.She seemed touched and happy about it.We shared some cash to buy her a shirt and a make-up palleteand a lovely card.And I added something I made for a couple of hours during the wee early morning.A handmade photoframe dressed with glitters and our names and with alot of our small
squared pictures put together like a collage and i also gave her a set of accesories.I really do hope she likes them.Then photosnaps.this and that.Ate.Gobbled.Jumped.Hop.And finally, dearest Hasif approached titi with his birthday gift .The perfect word 2 describe about everything was AWWWWW.I fucken mean it.I was the one too engrossed-haha.I'm so waiting for the next episode of them;).So we continued the journey.Encountered animals that tickled our arsess.Perspiration.Icky.Clammy.Laughter.
Exhausted-but-we-dont-give-a-damn kinda feeling.weeha=)

We spent 6 hours in the Zoo.wooh.

We had Kick-ass time and I thank my girlfriends and boyfriends for everything.I love you people.

Papa, i thnk u so much for the free tickets and such.I love you.=)

Titi, I hope you love your birthday.Dont ever mention thank you again about it cause we'll do anything for you okayy?Oh yes, trust me about what i said about what you felt.I'm here for you.I love you fucken alot too sweetheart.=)

Saturday.Today that is.

I was a tour-guide today.Total monotony.Oh whatever that makes Mama happy.She's off to Umrah soon.Spent the day wth "orang2 -kampung".Ate.Ate.Ate and watched the musical fountain show at Sentosa.Last-minute plans.The makciks were extremely adorable with their totally kampung acts.-haha.No matter how extremely boring my day was, I love my family alot.=)

Oh ya, 10 FREE tickets to jurong bird park on 16th JuneThursday.Our next hit.Insyaallah.Gfs&Bfs.Make urself free.=)

Oh yes, im having this bad desperation to go sentosa with my ppl of love and sun-tan and have kick-ass time again.Oh please take me there sweethearts.

imbetteroffwithoutyou.

Till then.

PleaeDontHauntMeTonight,
PrincessGemuk.

LetGo

2005-06-02T17:10:00.000+08:00

Dear BloggyDiary-where-I-scream-it-all-out,

Warning.A total boring entry poured out by a bored soul.

Thursday.

Chatted on the phone yesterday with my sexy(muahaha-winks at Gfs.) boyfriends,Hasbi&Hasan till 4 plus in the morning.cackled.chortled.lame-ass jokes.silly-ness.Slept together on the phone.love-binding:)Woke up and cleaned the house and went lunch with my oh-d-one-i-love Sista Gwen.Woohoo.I'm all stocked and extreme boncet-ness!

Home lollygagging and such fat-ass-bumm I've been today. Was on the phone with CacaCat and then later Hasbi.Chinwag.Gossips.Usual heart-to-heart conversation.Heck, at least they saved me from dying of monotony.-heh.I'm still crossing my fingers about tomorrow's Zoo
outing. Got to plan and all.Call my pple of love especially the boyfriends for confirmation.leceh~(oh please please answer those calls and tell us that you can make it) Idiotic camps!urh.

So on Wednesday evening, went out with Sista Gwen and Abg Rizal.I had my fringe trimmed.It does look abit gawky but it'll grow anyway.Not extremely unhappy but I guess my hair looks better definitely.Sista Gwen had her hair 2tone coloured.Highlight and trimming.But the outcome of the highlighting wasn't as gorgeous but heck, she looks beautiful anyway.=) Had heart-to-heart talks with Abg Rizal while waiting for her hair do.Window-shopped.SistaGwen, He's gorgeous inside lah and I like him.I'll be soo soo waiting to eat nasi minyak on you both's significant day.insyaallah..hehe..

I still don't know what food to bring tomorrow! HELP.

Mama, mana sih kamu masih blum pulang.......

My eyes are red.I still can't figure out why.Hopefully It'll be fine by tomorrow morning.Urh. ader-ader ajer la...

Okay, so todaý there's DIA.People, its a must-watch drama. I just love it when it strangles me and squeezes my heart out.Getting emotional and the feeling of knocking my head on the wall and scream my lungs out.wohhoooo.Fifi just reminds me of that someone.haha.

Eee.Youdisgustingheartlessuglyandeverythingnotnicebitch.

I'll update again in like...... a few hours time? hehe.till then.

ILovePrettyBoys,
PrincessBumm.

YouMakeMeSick

2005-06-01T11:15:00.000+08:00

Dear bloggy-diary-where-I-Pour-it-all,

I was feeling all odd and strange about something I would never hunger to know and heck, it's fucken surprising and fortuitous and loathsome when I really got to know about it.They're really funny people lahhh.But shit,I've got to take it cause I can't run away from knowing it especially it's one of the temptations that I simply can't resist to know.argghhh.You people make me sick.But I swear it's not all about jealousy and convetous. It's about....... it-could-be-better-than-this.

Another weird thing, there's no blubbering and sobbing although it was fucking heart-squeezing and extremely tormenting.My tear-hole ran out of tears for them lahhhhh.-haha.(but its not funny kayy).I could still feel that I'm all crying and screaming inside.urgh.disgusting.

I muddled through and am back with a positive-mind. Ohh, it's all for the better and that God wanted to show that I am worthy of and that I do deserve better. I'm sure God has something up his sleeves. muahA. I'm still 15 anyway and there'so much for me took forward to.. =) I'll just pray lahhh.(insyaallah)

Tuesday, yesterday that is. Ca,Sha and her brother Ayeeee and I went to get something for somebody. It was all topsy-turvy when it comes to deciding. it was all about the money!-haha. I was all icky and dressed with glitters when I was home, make-ready the gifts and I resolved to add another new set of something which was actually mine and which I extremely LOVE but its okay, i decide to give it anyway and its sincere.=) and I made something simple yet special significantly from me.But heck, I took hours to finish it okayy?! -hehe. I'll only share about what are those something-s after that significant day.=P I'm severely desperate for everything to go smooth and have so fucken kick-ass time on that day and that our boyfriends could make it and rock the day with us.. Insyaallah. it's so heart throbbing for me cause I'm all anxious for the SURPRISES.

Although something terrible hit me yesterday and it's haunting me again, I'll do anything to put on this disguise of joy and do just anything for my girlfriends and boyfriends to be happy. I love you people.=)

I'llMendMyselfandI'llBeHappier,
PrincessChubby.

Fortuitous

2005-05-30T19:49:00.000+08:00

Sunday. Ti and I went to jog and it ws a coincidence to have met Hasbi and Hasan there at the gym.I dont know why, but it revolted me upon seeing them.Ma took us all to breakfast and she got to know my people of love, Hasbi and Hasan.Wooohoooo, I stuffed myself with Mcdonalds scrumptious hot pancakes and more..I then had my usual nap for a couple of hours while Ti fooled with the computer.We then devoured Ma's savoury home-cooked food.I'm oh-SUPER-boncet now,seriously.Hasbi and Hasan came to my house. We chinwag and chatted. Bounced.Hop.Play-ball.Fooled around.A heart-warming day.

Oh gosh.queer and extraodinary sensation. Hasbi Hasbi Hasbi Hasbi!

I was told a fortuitous and disheartening revelation from her. Oh Gosh. Why Why Why?

Its okayy. Truth and veracity is known by God.

"You don't have to push and make things difficult for yourself to justify. As long as God and people who matters to you know who you are and everything about the truth, it's ample enough and thats all that matter.Make yourself happy like how you deserve." (inspired and words from Sheila Majid)

I may not be as blissful and joyful like it seems. But heck, 1 life, live it. Theres more to life anyway and there's always the brighter side of everything.There's nothing for me to chastise myself.

To my gf Bear, I don't understand you. It really hurts to see you and like that, and all that you've been saying.Okayy, so we never understand and have never been there for you and have always misunderstood and all that we know is to babble and get mad at you. Ic.....

Ti, things will be gorgeous on Friday.I promise no matter what would happen okayy? Insyaallah.

I wonder whats up for tomorrow....

ILoveYouMoreEachDay,
PrincessBoncet.

Inspired

2005-05-29T21:59:00.000+08:00

The weather's been perfect today. I spent the Sunday morning jogging,skipping.swimming and bouncing.boing. I had Titi as my companion. Before that we had early breakfast at McDonald's and girl-talks about how everything has been sucking the life out of me,but not to forget the bundle of joy and laughter we tasted which then illuminate the despondent response.I then had a nap.Oooh, I just can't resist the temptation to encounter the world of dreams and fantasy.Shoot me.

Caca and I actually had earlier plans to catch the event at Hougang featuring Ning Baizura and Taufik Batisah.(not the main interest, but heck, we still love him) plus the HipHop Crews doing their thang today. I heard my friends and my dance idols are performing too. So we thought of spending the evening there with the crowd and loud music, making out with our friends there.. It's a school holiday anyway and we anticipated that the event should be happening joined by a large crowd .Ain also asked me out for a movie.But guess what, the weather was just too perfect for our lazy&exhausted -ass to bumm and lolly-gag at home.I also thought it's better to refrain myself from the crowd and especially ones that I know for the time being.I didn't really have thatmood to go out anyway. I was perturbed about something.

Oh darn, Ma spoiled mydietkit plan.AGAIN.(muaha,I'm blaming her instead)We had Pizzas and chicken wings at night. Heavenly and guilty pleasure .

Saturday.I had my usual beauty sleep in the afternoon and went to Najip Ali & Sheila Majid late show at The Arts House At The Old Parliament.M18 but managed to pass through.-weeha!(advantage of owning a mature look.haha)Fabulous talk show.Gossips and such.Reality.Sheila Majid is such gorgeous woman and Mum. Her husband is so good-looking.Perfect.I'm happy for them after much that Sheila's been through.Her intelligence and her inspiring words gave me a knock on my head and made me stronger. It was such a coincidence that her advices were just perfect for the bad patch I'm in. Her words flash in my mind everytime I thought of how unfair life is. I love her voice, songs. I simply love HER.=)

Well, I was told a lovely hearsay from Titi. I'm glad that she's happy. I'll do anthing to make her feel beautiful and loved.

Oh yes, I'm crossing my fingers for things to go smooth and that I'll be greeted with a welcoming news. I miss you "baybee sister". Insyaallah, our love stays forever.

Well Till here.

MakeMeFeelBeautiful,
FatPrincess.

I needyourblessings

2005-05-27T21:20:00.000+08:00

The days have been turbulent and full of trepidating hassles. I'm extremely drained, so worned out and obviously jaded with everything that has been going on.I truly have a desperate desire for all the oppression, misconseption of people's perspective of me and the mess to end.. Only patience and benevolence can overcome depravity. Insyaallah.

Like I said I'm emotionally fatigued.Well, I guess I've been enduring too much and its making me physically exhausted too.I've been trying to refrain myself from my beauty sleeepsss which was almost impracticable.-haha. I'm unsure if it does really work for me to obtain my "needs&goal" cause I'm replacing it with foood attacks instead.-haha.darn!!

The 1 month school holiday is finally here.-weeeeeeeeeeeeeee. Girlfriends & Boyfriends, lets rock it.=) I really wanna occupy my time with love and fun kick-ass moments and laughing our heads off. Make it a momentous experience and an electrifying episode of our teenage life. Insyaallah, the mess is yet to be cleaned soon I hope.And Hopefully too, that I can prevail every tribulation and my vulnerability and so, for a better life ahead.I just have to endure eevrything now and ignore.Infact,.I must, or it'll kill me.I do wanna ease my mind with a positive attitude of what's life really about..I've yet to go through much more later in life.I'm just 15, callow and green.

Oh yes, school-wise, it's been a dreadful time yet an experience. No matter how bad the day was, it was made beautiful by my people of love.We had Sports Day today. A moment of unprofessional tanning and menacing our mood.Overall, a joyful event.After that,bumm arnd with the boyfriends but smtg uncomfortable disturbed me.Oh welllll~. Then lolly-gag with the girlfriends at my house, watched 1 wacky movie and 1 horrifying malay movie. Had food attack prepared by my Ma.I'm, telling you, she's disrupting my-dietplan! I'm oh-so-boncet now.Darn!And whats new, projects and tormenting assignments for holiday. Such a burden! I'll be trying to ensure I finish it by the first 2 weeks of holiday.Insyaallah."Hana can make it and it's for the better of everything"

I told my Gfs about the updates of my life.Yes, it has worsen and is terrible. May God Allah keep me strong.

Oh not to forget, I wanna thnk Hasif=) I love you for loving my girlfriend. OOOOPSSSSSS! =p I'm badly looking forward to my Girlfriend, Titi's birthday.-weeehaaaa! -winks at Ca.

Well, till here. More updates soon. I mean, real soon!

IWantToBeHappyAgain,
Princess HanaHoneySoftyHersheysSleepingBeauty

HushMyGirl

2005-05-23T20:47:00.000+08:00

It was terrible when I started to have this dry cough with blood. It's weird somehow.It messed up my conversation with Hasan and Danial on the phone during the young morning at around 3am..I was startled and terrified when I lost my voice completely! I have my voice back now but......... what the doctor said was devastating. I shall not elaborate. I must say that I'm extremely fearful about it cause I dont wanna..........

To my dearest sister Feeza. I don't understand you.I have always been thinking where my mistakes were but... somehow I can't figure it out. Whats too much?What the?What I've been doing is that I've been just wrong to myself as of my vulnerability all these while.Situations made me react like this.My friends, only 3 of em knows and they did nothing but just cry with me.So what are you talking about? People judge with their own perception and its none of my persuasion or anything like that.They are like you too.Please call me. I don't want people and especially people of love like you to misunderstand me.You hear me out and judge. I'll tell you everything cause there's nothing for me to hide.Tell me about it and I'm willing to take it.I don't want to be well-known because of all these shit.I don't want my reputation at risk too. Oh yes, I couldnt visit your blog and I don't know why.So no messing up the tagboard and I'm pleading you, call me.Love.

Lastly, I have words for my beloved Baby Bear, Shakilla.Remember our song whenever one of US is not in a good patch and that we're there for each other? So here's our song for you.

Girl, I Can Tell You've Been Crying
And You Needing Someone To Talk To
Girl, I Can Tell He's Been Lying
And Pretending That He's Faithful And He Loves You
Girl, You Don't Have To Be Hiding
Don't You Be Ashamed To Say He Hurt You
I'm Your Girl, You're My Girl, We're You're Girls
Want You To Know That We Love You =)

Here's more for you from me...

There's a hero
If you look inside your heart
You don't have to be afraid Of what you are
There's an answer
If you reach into your soul
And the sorrow that you know
Will melt away
And then a hero comes along
With the strength to carry on
And you cast your fears aside
And you know you can survive
So when you feel like hope is gone
Look inside you and be strong
And you'll finally see the truth
That a hero lies in you...

I'll be the one to catch you fall
Whenever you call
And I will breathe for you each day
Comfort you through all the pain
Gently kiss your fears away
You can turn to me and cry
Always understand that
IGive you all I am inside
I won't ever be too far away to feel you
And I won't hesitate at all
Whenever you call...

Whenever you need me
I'll be there
I'll be there to protect you
With an unselfish love
I'll respect you
Just call my name
And I'll be there...

So Sha, I hope you're feeling better after what you had been through today. Remember, there's always a reason to what happened and it shows that you're worth it. You deserve someone better and that's why it did not last. Tempations and loneliness may haunt you but hey you got me, you gt US. There's someone made for us out there.Infact we're callow and green.Still young.There's more to look forward to and that there's more obstacles later in life.Hold on there dear. Just remind yourself,

I can make it through the rain
I can stand up once again
On my own and I know
That I'm strong enough to mend
And every time I feel afraid
I hold tighter to my faith
And I live one more day
And I make it through the rain

Alright? I love you so much.

IWantAllTheBadThingsToEnd,
Hons.

ImJustMisunderstood

2005-05-22T23:55:00.000+08:00

I came across songs that urged me to dedicate it to someone.This is where I pour out my feelings anyway and if anyone abhor it, I'm SORRY but so what. Screw you.

Tupac
I ain't mad at cha(i ain't mad at cha)I ain't mad at cha(but your a down ass bitch, and i ain't mad at cha)..

Aaliyah
Gave you chances
On top of chances
Opportunities taken for granted
My reality is all your exhalations
'Cause insanity
Why you askin me?
Took my kindness
For a sign of weakness
My own blindness'
Cause my sadness
No longer am a slave
Over your madness
I am glad it's finally over
Who do you think You are now?
I can't believe you've
Got the nerve girl
Who do you thinkYou are now?
I can't believe you'veGot the nerve girl
See I'm tired of all the games
That you seem to like to play
See what you can do for me
Is forget you knew my name
See your qualities areLess than pleasing
I got more thanOne reason for leaving
It's time to close shop
Open new chapters
See new beginnings is
What I'm after
Get your skeletons upOut my closet
Don't make me lose it
I just might lose it

Christina.Aguilera
What do you do when you know something's bad for you
And you still can't let go?
I was naïve
Your love was like candy
Artificially sweet
I was deceived by the wrapping
Got caught in your web
And I learned how to bleed
I was prey in your bed
And devoured completely
And it hurts my soul
Cause I can't let go
All these walls are caving in
I can't stop my suffering
I hate to show that I've lost control
Cause I, I keep going right back
To the one thing that I need to walk away from
I need to get away from yaI
need to walk away from ya
Get away, walk away, walk away
I should have known I was used for amusement
Couldn't see through the smoke
It was all an illusion
Now I've been licking my wounds (licking my wounds)But the vemon seeps deeper (deeper, deeper)
We both can seduce
but darling you hold me prisoner (prisoner)
I'm about to break
I can't stop this ache
I'm addicted to your allure
and I'm fiendin' for a cure
Every step I takeLeads to one mistake
I keep going right back
To the one thing that I need...
I can't mendThis torn state I'm in
Getting nothing in return
What did I do to deserve
The pain of this slow burn
And everywhere I turnI keep going right back
To the one thing that I need to walk away
fromI need to get away from ya
I need to walk away from ya
Everytime I try to grasp for air
get smothered in dispair,
it's never over, over
Seems I'll never wake from this nightmare,
I let out a silent prayerthat it be over,
overInside I'm screaming
Begging, pleading no more
I don't know what to do
My heart has been bruised
So sad but it's true
Each beat reminds me of you
It hurts my soul
Cause I can't let go
All these walls are caving in
I can't stop my sufferingI hate to show that
I've lost control
Cause II keep going right back
To the one thing that I need to walk away,
OhI'm about to break
And I can't stop this ache
I'm addicted to your allure
And I'm fiendin' for a cure
.I need to get away from yaI need to walk away from yaGet away, walk away, walk awayOnly thing I need to do is walk away

Gwen Stefani
Are you happy now?How is it now?Are you happy now?Are you happy?

And now i'm stuck in the web
You're spinning
You've got me for your prey...
Now it's gone too deep
You wake me in my sleep
My dreams become nightmares'cause you're ringing in my ears

Pink
Like the coldest winter, I am frozen from you
I was weak before now you made me so numb
I can't feel much for you anymore
I gave you my all, my baby
I'm numb, numb, numb
But the tears were silent inside you see
But the tears were silent inside you see
I laid there quiet,
watched you have your waywith me
I might have cried, the tears were silent insideyou
see You called me names, made me feel like I was dumb
I didn't feel a thing and now I'm gone, gone,
gone Like a battered child I got used to your pain
But you know its cuz I was weak before now you
made me so numb
I can't feel much for you anymore
I gave you my all, my baby I'm numb, numb, numb

There's a song I was listenin' to up all night
There's a voice I am hearin' sayin' its alright
When I'm happy, I'm sad, but everything is good
Its not that complicated I'm just MISUNDERSTOOD.

I loved you,
wasHanaBobana.

Underneatheitall

2005-05-22T14:05:00.000+08:00

UnderneathItAll.

Some things that happen sometimes can't be explained and that underneath every things that happen you'll never know what and why.It gives you grievance,dissatisfaction and make you feel embittered. But I'll take it.Things and not anyone is perfect.I just have to make it clear that I've never put on any disguise except for the confession I made in the earlier post about the laughter&smiles.I admit my mistakes which have been tormenting me and the mistakes were that I was immature at handling things,controlling my emotions and being conscious of my vulnerability.Thats about it. Im sure am going to work on it.I must, or things won't change for me.

Time will always tell all.

IT'S OKAY.The succumb has been making numb and I'll be fine soon enough.

Like I said there's more to life than this(inspired by theoneofakind-Bjork).

And like My dear Cadbury said, It all Depends On Me.

IDon'tWantThemBack,
Hans.

AllTheSuccumbIsMakingMeNumb

2005-05-21T23:24:00.000+08:00

The world is full of provocation,test and ultimatum.Its okay for me to let go.It don't matter what they think and say as long as I know that at least God has been watching and the truth is with and known by God. I thank God for keeping me strong.I thank God for everything and I leave it all to him.These words say it all.

I'll start climbing and I hope I won't fall again.I know I'm not perfect but I can prevail my vulnerability and learn from every moment of my lifetime.

I thought I don't have to trap myself at home anymore for I don't deserve any. So I filled my day with my ShmeellyCattSweetypie, Caca. We watched the movie Amityville Horror.I recommend you to catch it. The plot is marvellous and ya, ìts a show that make-one's-hair stand-on-end and shriek and scream and jump off their seats.-haha.It's definitely better than some of the other horror movies.It's based on a true story and thinking of it, it gives me creeeeeeeppppsssss.FYI, it's NC16. Ca and I managed to catch it.-muahahahahhahaaaa.We took Neoprints and TheCard photo thing.-whats newww~. I ate alot today.Sighs. I'll say this again. I'LL NEVER GET SLIMMER.Met the lovely one, Dayna and the Mad one Hafiz.-hehe.. I was Dana Kristen for today.-winks.

Guess what, we went home limping!

The day was full of dumb-silly-dodo acts of me, instead of Caca. TheHasBiMum's case, to TheTissueCase and so many more. Witty!

That's for today.

In Stupefaction,
BaByFatsssss.

FoolishOfMe.Again.

2005-05-21T11:36:00.000+08:00

2nd entry.

See, my days are cold without you
But I'm hurtin' while I'm with you
And though my heart can't take no more
I keep on running back to you
Baby, I don't know why you treat me so bad
You say you love me, no one above me
And I was all you had
And though my heart is eatin' for you
I can't stop cryin'
I don't know
See when I get the strength to leave you
Always tell me that you need me
And I'm weak cuz I believe you
And I'm mad because I love you
So I stop and think that maybe
You could learn to appreciate me
Then it all remains the same that
You ain't never gonna change, never gonna change
Never gonna change how I allow you to treat me this way
And still I stay
See, my days are cold without you
But I'm hurtin' while I'm with you
And though my heart can't take no more
I keep on running back to you.

My dedication to -youknowwhoyouaregirlfriend-

So heart-rending and doleful upon reading your post and what you finally said to me.I've been foolish to myself again and over again.Thanks for everything.I'll leave it all behind and be in this travail.I shall not think of the callous people out there and everything else.I've finally had it up to here.I can't stand here anymore.I don't want to go through it all again.

I know that Everything has been replaying again and again.I'm sick of it too. I'm pleading for all this to end, even if my picture is tainted abt the untrue in everyone's heart.

I'll spread my wings and I'll learn how to fly,
I'll do what it takes till I touch the sky,
And I'll make a wish, take a chance,
Make a change, and break away.
Out of the darkness and into the sun,
But I won't forget all the ones that I love.
I'll take a risk, take a chance,
Make a change, and break away.

There is nothing you can say
Sorry doesn't cut it, babe
Take the hint and walk away'
Cause I'm gone
Doesn't matter what you do
It's what you did that's hurting you
All I needed was the truth
Now I'm gone.

Dispirited and blue, I shall eat eat eat eat eat eat and eat.

SheAndHimAreMyBeautifulDisaster,
HanahoneySofteeeyHersheysChubbySleepingBeauty.

ToStartAnew

2005-05-21T01:13:00.000+08:00

It's weird.I'ts queer that after the dreadful downfall and how I was made to face such complex and strenuous time for what I did not deserve or so I believed, I still thirst for the love we ever shared. I turned a blind eye to the things you made and overlook what's done to me just like that.Effortlessly.I told you I've always loved you and everything was sincere! -winks.Remember, I've long forgiven and forget. Im gratified after the talk that I've long for. It's undeniably girlfriend-love.It says it all.So keep in mind about our deal ya? I hope things will go pleasant.Let's start anew.I love you Elly, oops. I mean Felly.=)

The day was total monotomy. It's killing me.My eyes were stucked to the computer screen (still are)and all I did was eat and listen to music. Well somehow I managed to not have my beauty sleep.-haha.I hope I'll have a finer day tomorrow.Oh Puhleaseeeee.

I'll never lose weight. I'll never have that model-slim figure. Darn!

I must admit that memories are now haunting me in a swift. Cause its all in my head..I think about it over and over again......They keep replaying. Oh heck!

I don't know what to feel now. Confusion of feelings. Perplexed.

Idontwanttogothroughitallagain,
HanaHoneySoftyHerheysChubbySleepingBeauty.

TheWhiteFlag

2005-05-20T13:43:00.000+08:00

All resolved and secured. I'm relieved after letting out about the truth and how I felt and how I muddle through.Now she knows.She feels.She understands why the feat I made is that way. I feel her definitely. I hope my other girl feel it too. I want things to be pleasant like I said, I heart them no matter what was done.So what's done is over.I'm on my way and don't make me look back ever again.Here's my white flag.

Titi, I would like to thank you again=) -winks.Ohhh I love you sweetheart and I hope you concur with how I feel although I was made to be in a bad downfall. I've always been appreciating your warm concern.You know I can make it.

So yesterday was as usual, wacky.the daily-kickass-routine.total madness and laughter.Cat,Bear and I played Monopoly at my place. The whole scenario was in extreme topsy-turvy. I don't have to do sit-ups to work-out my muscles, the laughter already could.This and that.Whats new, I did not accomplish my mission-haha.thedietkit plan.I told you I can't resist food temptations.Food just makeme go ggoooogooogaaagaaaa.

Then night, was heart-choking. Won't elaborate on it. Later at night, talked to Titi on the phone till morning and chatted with my winsome Hasbi =P, It was all nice.

Nonetheless, I have to confess that I've been putting on a disguise of sheer bliss and smiles when I'm with my friends and everyone else in the day .But I come home with tears by my side and as my company for the rest of night.I am endeavouring to work on it and hope that this will end.

I'll budge on this road of my lif and make it through the rain.

MyFirstWhiteFlag,
Hanahoneyhersheys.

OhMy!

2005-05-18T20:28:00.000+08:00

Worn-out. I got home with a perplexing feeling. I’ve waited for her for more than 3 hours? I was given silence respond. I pondered. I conveyed words I did not mean & affirmed menace, as I was despondent with her and myself. It wasn’t all rage although I had this bit of feeling of vex. It might be because I love her that all mistakes made to me were put aside easily. I did not know why I even acted such foolhardiness for her and even bothered to make things clear and concern fucken too much about everything. The upshot, I’m just a fool, a dunce. I realized I really am one and remain like one after all that I’ve been through. I don’t know what to do with myself. I am disheartened, again. I truly wish that this would end.

Why are you doing this to me?

To my girlfriend, Titi. I’m sorry I made you accompany me the whole afternoon and I know that you’re exhausted. I’m sorry. I hope you did not mind after all. The spectacles I gave you is real sincerity and I hope you like it. (Although it’s old and so old and so old). I love you and thank you everything.

Oh yes, my money for this month and June is drained. I already spent on Ma’s cosmetics and mine, plus today’s expenditure on my contact lens, which cost fucken a lot, food expenses and everything else. More than 3oo bucks is used up and I’m all-empty in the pocket. My mother is not working. I am extremely worried! I’m hit. Financial dilemma. This time I’m fucken serious about it. I made my plans and I know I suck at my discipline. Nonetheless, I’ll not give up & keep in mind that “I can make it”. Besides, I must. I’m not going to spend on anything anymore including food expenses outside. I’ll only be having my breakfast and 1 meal at home. This helps me to lose weight too. -haha. To my girlfriends, I’m sorry I won’t be able to splurge money and blanja you girls anymore. I hope you understand. This is it. It’s a do-or-die thing.

In addition to that, another problem is up. There’s a Pure Literature project, which needs a lot of money to buy the materials. Now I can state this, I’m dead. HELP!

Exams results devastated everyone and me. I never ever face such bad sequel. I did study. This sucks everything more. I feel like I don’t even want to have a peek on my report card. I’ll die by then.

So much in my mind and it keeps replaying again and again. I can’t get over it. Tell me how to calm myself and relax my mind???!

In conclusion, I’M IN AN EXTREMELY BAD PATCH.

PS: Im sorry if it bothers you that I blurted out my emotions here and everything that’s going on.

AtDeath’sDoor,
HanaHoneySofteeyHersheys.

Re-Born

2005-05-16T22:13:00.000+08:00

Hello Everyone!

I've been absent from blogging for quite awhile. So here's the new look;Unembellished-Simple.I had an arduous time replenishing and mending the new template. Oh well, I've got to admit that I suck totally at Computer Shit.I must thank SNZ for the existence of my blog.Girlfriend, we'll meet up soon & lets have Iced-Mocha and Ice-cream at Gelare soon alright? =)

So bear with me cause this entry is going to be darn long.updates laaah~

The outrageous travail I was in made me so much stronger.I've had ample time of meditation, reflecting on almost everything. I thought I was such a simpleton and a blockhead all those years.I only followed my heart and emotions without intensive thinking about everything, especially when I never accepted reality.I'm still learning & I'm attempting to understand reality that is.There's so much I've been through but I shall not elaborate.It has been a mawkish time.But I must say, I believe that time heals and matures me.There's so much to life than these.

I've not been doing my systematic routine during weekends.I've been home and I've been a sleeping beauty but wakes up to eat-haha.Myslimmingkit-plan never works.You can tell when you see me.I've been spending time with my people of love that is my girlfriends and boyfriends after school plus the moments of lonesome gave me pleasure rest.Total tranquility.Oh heck, I'm just addicted to our lame-ass jokes that make us laugh our brains out the whole day!Vcd-watching-lesbiankisses-and all.Being there for these people all the time especially in times of need quench me.This exultation heals me slowly.This therapy really works.

Mid-year exams suck big time.My anticipation, red lines on my report card.My only hope, Malay language paper and Art. The only subjects that I have confidence to attain A1 and I did for Malay.Whats new~

My bond with my Gfs & Bfs is so much more closer and intimate now.Glad.I'm looking forward to the June-Holidays for upcoming kick-ass moments.I've signed up for GrooveGarage dance course too but I'm a little perturbed about some matters.Oh heck, I just wanna groove and start bootyshaking cause I dream to dance.=)

Ma's going off to Umrah this June.Alhamdullilah.

Heyy, I can't just blabb non-stop.The cessation is here.Till next time!

FattBeeyaatchhLovesHerGirlfriends&Boyfriends,
HanaahoneeeySofteeyHersheysss.